Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Best and Worst Baseball Movies

With spring right around the corner and the boys of summer reporting to spring training camp I'd thought I'd take some time to cover some of the best and worst baseball movies.

The problem with any sports movie is most actors can't play sports and most athletes can't act! With that in mind here are my picks for the BEST baseball movies I've seen!

1 - Major League - Ha! Fooled you! You thought I would say The Field of Dreams cuz that's a popular movie critics love to hail as the best baseball movie ever. Wrong! It's a sappy melodramatic Lifetime movie and worse it stars Kevin Costner! Ok sorry got off on a tangent there...Major League is the best because it never pretends to be authentic it is what it sez it is a baseball comedy! Delivered masterfully by all actors participating! Charlie Sheen shoulda quit acting cuz he never topped Ricky Vaughn, "The Wild Thing"! Even Good Hands With All State Black guy as Pedro Cerrano delivered one of the most memorable movie quotes in recent memory with his classic, "Fuck you JoBoo I do it myself!" then cracks a home run to left field! Bob Uecker delivering classic lines such as "Just a bit outside" when the ball is nowhere near the plate! Wesley Snipes sliding head first and coming up just a bit short of the bag and the second basemen taunting Snipes with the ball! Classic! Go buy it and watch it every summer! Good Times!

2 - Bull Durham - Finally a Kevin Costner movie that doesn't suck! This is a great baseball movie with a sexy Susan Surandon to spice things up! Great baseball acting and great quotes. Again though it's a comedy so it doesn't pretend to be anything other then that and that's why it's a great baseball film!

3 - A League of Their Own - Leave it up to chicks to make a superior baseball movie then most of the current crop out there! Likable cast featuring Madonna, Geena Davis, Lori Petty and a *gasp* extremely likable Rosie O'Donnell! Tom Hanks nails the role of manager and everybody has used his "Are you crying? There's no crying in baseball!" line forever! Great baseball scenes as well make this a sure fire hit with all!

4 - Rookie of the Year - Another comedy cracks my fave baseball films and it's no wonder this movie was a big hit with families across the land. Every single kid dreams of playing in the big leagues and the dude that starred in the American Pie movie gets to live his dream by pitching for the Cubs! Family friendly fun for all!

5 - Major League 2 - It feels recycled but this time the Indians win the world series so it still is good.

And that's about it. I really can't watch any other baseball movies cuz they are fake and are really just chick flicks in disguise designed to lure men to watch them on the premise that there will be some baseball played.

So here are the not so great baseball flicks. Watch them and laugh, laugh harder when they're supposed to be taken seriously!

1- The Fan - How could any Robert DeNiro movie be crappy? Stick him in a baseball movie with Wesley Snipes and legendary former Phillies First Baseman John Kruk that's how! Snipes character is a Barry Bonds rip off who is unlikeable and DeNiro plays the obsessed fan who wants to murder Snipes! The movie would have been better if you actually cared about Snipes character but he was so unlikeable you end up rooting for the villain!

2 - Field of Dreams - If you build it he will come was the tagline for this popular movie however i have a new slogan for it If you watch it you will fall asleep. Boring kevin costner hears a voice telling him to build a baseball field in the cornfields so a buncha ghosts can have a field to play ball on. It would have been a lot better if the ghosts were zombies and costner had to fight them off with baseball bats! I woulda loved that. As it is this movie is a sappy farce. Hate it!

3 - For Love of the Game - Another Costner dud. This one is about an aging pitcher who is in the midst of pitching a perfect game when he starts thinking about a girl or some bullshit like that! It's the most chick flickish of all baseball movies and should only be watched by girls. Horrible!

4 - The Scout - Albert Brooks is a scout for the Yankees who signs Brendan Fraser who is basically playing his George of the Jungle character. Absolutely dreadful. I committed suicide after watching this one. Yuck.

5 - Major League 3 Back to the Minors - Horrible third sequel to the Major League franchise! Stars Scott Bakula nuff said. He sucks and so does this movie.

So there you have it. Go watch the good ones and go watch the bad ones and laugh at their crappiness! Can't wait for the season to start! Go Phillies!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Snowed in with Disney Pixar Movies

Thanks to all this snow I've been stuck at home with my son, Jared watching Disney Pixar movies all day long! It's not as bad however because it could be worse...we could be watching Barney or some crap like that!
Pixar movies deliver family entertainment and are a big hit in the Heimbach household!
So here are my fave Pixar movies in no particular order...

Up - I'll start with this one since this is Jared's favorite! This movie packs it all with a floating house on helium balloons, talking dogs, a talkative boy scout and a pair of senior citizens duking it out in a blimp! My fave is Dug the loveable dog! Jared's fave scene is when the balloons open up outta the chimney and lifts the house up!
Cars - Didn't think i'd like this one since i don't follow racing but it's a very enjoyable movie with Lighning McQueen and Mater the tow truck tearing up the lil ole town of Radiater Springs! Jared's fave part is Mack the truck trying to stay awake on the cross country trek to California!
Finding Nemo - Another movie that opens with the mom dying, a Disney staple, i like to call it the Bambi opening! Bruce the shark is the coolest shark and everybody loves the turtles!
WALL-E - I love this lil Johnny Number Five lookalike!
Incredibles - A superhero movie about not settling for being average? What's not to love!
Monsters, INC - Who woulda thought...a Billy Crystal movie I actually don't despise!
Toy Story 1 and 2 - The original Pixar classic! What kid didn't imagine that their toys played and talked when no one was looking? My faves are the army men!
A Bug's Life - My least fave Pixar movie!
So when you need a family friendly entertaining movie pick up one of these classics and you can't go wrong!

The Road vs. The Book of Eli

Recently i watched two post apocalyptic movies back to back. The Road starring Viggo Mortensen and The Book of Eli starring Denzel Washington. Both movies featured great performances from the lead actor but for me Eli stood head and shoulders above The Road.

I was really looking forward to seeing Road and when i finally did i have to admit i was a little disappointed. The movie's tone was devoid of hope as Viggo walks the abandoned countryside with his son trying to avoid cannibals while searching for food and shelter. I was trying to figure out why the pair just didn't do themselves a favor and commit suicide. That seemed a better alternative then living in constant fear of being eaten or watching someone else eat your son. Charlize Theron had a small role as Viggo's wife, who upon giving birth to her son decides to go out and leave her family once the apocalypse starts. Her story is told in flashbacks as Viggo wrestles with the memories of her while remaining a guiding force for his son. This movie wasn't predictable but you never got a sense that anything good was going to happen out of it which made for a depressing watch. It had it's poignant moments between father and son like the part when they found a house with running water and were able to clean themselves up. Moments like that were few however as the moment was too short and they had to pick up and keep moving to avoid being eaten!
I found that the son's innocence became annoying and i almost wouldn't have minded if the son got caught. Because the son's character represented hope in this movie i can see why the son was played with such naive but c'mon if you were raising a son in this situation you will be teaching the young lad how to look out for himself and fight tooth and nail to survive. This seemed unrealistic that the boy was so pure in a world gone mad. We tend to be products of our environment so i would have thought that since he was born in the apocalypse he would have been more hard, especially since dear old mom just walked out and left him behind with dad. The Road features a fine cast including Robert Duvall, Guy Pearce in addition to Viggo Mortensen but the story winds up leaving this cast at a dead end.

The Book of Eli stars Denzel Washington. Nuff said! You can't go wrong with Denzel! Anything he's in is gold! You know what you are in for when Denzel is at the helm...great acting and a fun enjoyable movie! I dare you to find me a bad Denzel movie. Go ahead i'll wait...see you can't do it! Denzel is the man! After watching this movie i was really surprised it was made by a major Hollywood studio considering the movie's faith based content and gasp Denzel quoting scriptures. It might sound jaded but after all this is an industry that shuns, mocks and generally disregards Christianity so i was pleasantly surprised to find the underlying positive spiritual message in this flick.
A disaster places Denzel on a journey across the USA with a mission to protect this mysterious book. However, when you're watching this movie there isn't constant dread because as long as Denzel has the book with him then there is hope. Gary Oldman portrays the villain who discovers that Denzel has this book that could give Oldman control of all weak minded people in his village. One of the coolest shoot out scenes in recent memories takes place when Oldman tracks Denzel down in a farmhouse out in the middle of nowhere. The Hughes Brothers directed this movie and instead of doing the traditional First Person POV like was done in Saving Private Ryan, they opted instead to place the viewer smack dab in the middle of the firefight! It was really cool as bullets whizzed by and the camera whipped around to find its target. Nicely done! The movie's originality was refreshing as was Mila Kunis presence on screen as Denzel's buddy once Oldman starts going after him. As the pair are trying to elude Oldman, Denzel is imparting wisdom from this book which turns out of course to be the last King James Bible in the world. Great fight choreography, smart writing with a nice twist that the viewer doesn't see coming and great acting make The Book of Eli a must for any home library!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

G.I. Joe The Rise of Cobra

I love movies! So i figured I'd share my thoughts and opinions with the good ole interwebs and step into the 22nd century and get me one of those blogs everyone is piping about.
So welcome to my blog! I'm an avid movie fan who just wants to see original ideas on the big screen once in a while in addition to the big budget popcorn movies the studios seem to think everyone wants. The reason i picked G.I. Joe for my first review is because this movie is whats wrong with every comic book, toy adaptation that gets the big screen treatment. So without further adieu lets dig deeper into G.I. Joe The Rise of Cobra.

*Spoiler Alert- I'll be discussing major plot details and most likely will give away the ending!*

Before we dissect the movie lets delve into my love affair with everything G.I. Joe! I collected the toys, i watched the cartoon, I ate the cereal and devoured the comics religiously! I'm as diehard and hardcore as you can get and i was really excited that Joe was finally getting the silver screen treatment!
After watching it in the theater I initially overlooked my major issues with it and liked the movie and my inner fanboy was satisfied. Initially that is until the DVD came out and i watched it again with the director commentary and then my inner fanboy was pissed!
The biggest issue i have beyond Channing Tatum's chin was the whole Duke, Destro, Baroness, Cobra Commander plot line. Pick up one G.I. Joe comic, watch one cartoon episode and everybody knows that the Baroness has, is and always will be with Destro. No ifs ands or buts about it. She is pure evil and would never look at Duke in any kind of romantic way. You'd think the scriptwriters would understand this or even respect it but nope they just went ahead and had Baroness be Cobra Commanders sister and hell just for fun lets make Duke the former fiancee! Are you kidding me? Horrible. Of all the written material from the cartoon and comic books they shoulda just adapted that and saved the studio the money they would have paid the scriptwriters. To top it off as I'm watching the directors commentary Stephen Sommers the director explains they normally would have spent a lot longer on the movie with the script and such but they had to finish it before the writers strike. Lemme get this straight I waited over 20 years to see my childhood heroes on the big screen and because of a looming strike the movie gets thrown together in three months, far less time that was spent on any other picture with a budget of this size. HORRIBLE! No wonder the movie feels rushed.
Well aside from those glaring atrocities there were parts of the movie i enjoyed and believe it or not some aspects were true to the GI Joe universe.
Thankfully the Snake Eyes vs. Storm Shadow sword brothers story was accurately told and thank God they didn't make Snake Eyes talk! The actor who played Storm Shadow delivered a kick ass performance and so did Ray Park who played Snake Eyes. I enjoyed the eye candy known as Sienna Miller who played the Baroness, she was a sexy vixen! Besides those three though the acting was wooden and stiff like a pirate with a peg leg. Channing Tatum as Duke was barely likable, Shawn Wayans as Ripcord umm no thanks, Joseph Gordon Levitt had a nice take as Cobra Commander but the decision not to have him wear Cobra Commander's iconic uniform was stupid and very ignorant.
One cool part about watching all the special effects and battle scenes was that it made you feel like a kid playing with the toys again making up your own battles so that was a nice nostalgic touch. Problem is that boy grew up and wants a storyline truer to the G.I. Joe universe. Nice try but a big epic fail on this movie.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Welcome to the Future

Welcome to my blog! I'm not sure what the content will be about yet but i love movies, music and sports so i'm sure i'll be rambling on about that so check back for updated content and feel free to leave me comments! I don't have anything to say at the moment but check out my good friend Mr. Rock's blog about movies over at and he will set you straight on all the nominations for the 2010 Oscars. And when i say all i mean all, he's got the nominations for best costume for crying out loud! Check it out and come back when i have something relevent to say!