Tuesday, February 9, 2010

G.I. Joe The Rise of Cobra

I love movies! So i figured I'd share my thoughts and opinions with the good ole interwebs and step into the 22nd century and get me one of those blogs everyone is piping about.
So welcome to my blog! I'm an avid movie fan who just wants to see original ideas on the big screen once in a while in addition to the big budget popcorn movies the studios seem to think everyone wants. The reason i picked G.I. Joe for my first review is because this movie is whats wrong with every comic book, toy adaptation that gets the big screen treatment. So without further adieu lets dig deeper into G.I. Joe The Rise of Cobra.

*Spoiler Alert- I'll be discussing major plot details and most likely will give away the ending!*

Before we dissect the movie lets delve into my love affair with everything G.I. Joe! I collected the toys, i watched the cartoon, I ate the cereal and devoured the comics religiously! I'm as diehard and hardcore as you can get and i was really excited that Joe was finally getting the silver screen treatment!
After watching it in the theater I initially overlooked my major issues with it and liked the movie and my inner fanboy was satisfied. Initially that is until the DVD came out and i watched it again with the director commentary and then my inner fanboy was pissed!
The biggest issue i have beyond Channing Tatum's chin was the whole Duke, Destro, Baroness, Cobra Commander plot line. Pick up one G.I. Joe comic, watch one cartoon episode and everybody knows that the Baroness has, is and always will be with Destro. No ifs ands or buts about it. She is pure evil and would never look at Duke in any kind of romantic way. You'd think the scriptwriters would understand this or even respect it but nope they just went ahead and had Baroness be Cobra Commanders sister and hell just for fun lets make Duke the former fiancee! Are you kidding me? Horrible. Of all the written material from the cartoon and comic books they shoulda just adapted that and saved the studio the money they would have paid the scriptwriters. To top it off as I'm watching the directors commentary Stephen Sommers the director explains they normally would have spent a lot longer on the movie with the script and such but they had to finish it before the writers strike. Lemme get this straight I waited over 20 years to see my childhood heroes on the big screen and because of a looming strike the movie gets thrown together in three months, far less time that was spent on any other picture with a budget of this size. HORRIBLE! No wonder the movie feels rushed.
Well aside from those glaring atrocities there were parts of the movie i enjoyed and believe it or not some aspects were true to the GI Joe universe.
Thankfully the Snake Eyes vs. Storm Shadow sword brothers story was accurately told and thank God they didn't make Snake Eyes talk! The actor who played Storm Shadow delivered a kick ass performance and so did Ray Park who played Snake Eyes. I enjoyed the eye candy known as Sienna Miller who played the Baroness, she was a sexy vixen! Besides those three though the acting was wooden and stiff like a pirate with a peg leg. Channing Tatum as Duke was barely likable, Shawn Wayans as Ripcord umm no thanks, Joseph Gordon Levitt had a nice take as Cobra Commander but the decision not to have him wear Cobra Commander's iconic uniform was stupid and very ignorant.
One cool part about watching all the special effects and battle scenes was that it made you feel like a kid playing with the toys again making up your own battles so that was a nice nostalgic touch. Problem is that boy grew up and wants a storyline truer to the G.I. Joe universe. Nice try but a big epic fail on this movie.


  1. Thought you might like to know, we just recorded our Transformers 2/G.I. Joe episode of MovieSucktastic thank to your recommendation. Which means I only have you to blame for the suffering I endured watching G.I. Joe. I hate you.

  2. I'll make sure to check it out! Your welcome btw!