Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Best and Worst Baseball Movies

With spring right around the corner and the boys of summer reporting to spring training camp I'd thought I'd take some time to cover some of the best and worst baseball movies.

The problem with any sports movie is most actors can't play sports and most athletes can't act! With that in mind here are my picks for the BEST baseball movies I've seen!

1 - Major League - Ha! Fooled you! You thought I would say The Field of Dreams cuz that's a popular movie critics love to hail as the best baseball movie ever. Wrong! It's a sappy melodramatic Lifetime movie and worse it stars Kevin Costner! Ok sorry got off on a tangent there...Major League is the best because it never pretends to be authentic it is what it sez it is a baseball comedy! Delivered masterfully by all actors participating! Charlie Sheen shoulda quit acting cuz he never topped Ricky Vaughn, "The Wild Thing"! Even Good Hands With All State Black guy as Pedro Cerrano delivered one of the most memorable movie quotes in recent memory with his classic, "Fuck you JoBoo I do it myself!" then cracks a home run to left field! Bob Uecker delivering classic lines such as "Just a bit outside" when the ball is nowhere near the plate! Wesley Snipes sliding head first and coming up just a bit short of the bag and the second basemen taunting Snipes with the ball! Classic! Go buy it and watch it every summer! Good Times!

2 - Bull Durham - Finally a Kevin Costner movie that doesn't suck! This is a great baseball movie with a sexy Susan Surandon to spice things up! Great baseball acting and great quotes. Again though it's a comedy so it doesn't pretend to be anything other then that and that's why it's a great baseball film!

3 - A League of Their Own - Leave it up to chicks to make a superior baseball movie then most of the current crop out there! Likable cast featuring Madonna, Geena Davis, Lori Petty and a *gasp* extremely likable Rosie O'Donnell! Tom Hanks nails the role of manager and everybody has used his "Are you crying? There's no crying in baseball!" line forever! Great baseball scenes as well make this a sure fire hit with all!

4 - Rookie of the Year - Another comedy cracks my fave baseball films and it's no wonder this movie was a big hit with families across the land. Every single kid dreams of playing in the big leagues and the dude that starred in the American Pie movie gets to live his dream by pitching for the Cubs! Family friendly fun for all!

5 - Major League 2 - It feels recycled but this time the Indians win the world series so it still is good.

And that's about it. I really can't watch any other baseball movies cuz they are fake and are really just chick flicks in disguise designed to lure men to watch them on the premise that there will be some baseball played.

So here are the not so great baseball flicks. Watch them and laugh, laugh harder when they're supposed to be taken seriously!

1- The Fan - How could any Robert DeNiro movie be crappy? Stick him in a baseball movie with Wesley Snipes and legendary former Phillies First Baseman John Kruk that's how! Snipes character is a Barry Bonds rip off who is unlikeable and DeNiro plays the obsessed fan who wants to murder Snipes! The movie would have been better if you actually cared about Snipes character but he was so unlikeable you end up rooting for the villain!

2 - Field of Dreams - If you build it he will come was the tagline for this popular movie however i have a new slogan for it If you watch it you will fall asleep. Boring kevin costner hears a voice telling him to build a baseball field in the cornfields so a buncha ghosts can have a field to play ball on. It would have been a lot better if the ghosts were zombies and costner had to fight them off with baseball bats! I woulda loved that. As it is this movie is a sappy farce. Hate it!

3 - For Love of the Game - Another Costner dud. This one is about an aging pitcher who is in the midst of pitching a perfect game when he starts thinking about a girl or some bullshit like that! It's the most chick flickish of all baseball movies and should only be watched by girls. Horrible!

4 - The Scout - Albert Brooks is a scout for the Yankees who signs Brendan Fraser who is basically playing his George of the Jungle character. Absolutely dreadful. I committed suicide after watching this one. Yuck.

5 - Major League 3 Back to the Minors - Horrible third sequel to the Major League franchise! Stars Scott Bakula nuff said. He sucks and so does this movie.

So there you have it. Go watch the good ones and go watch the bad ones and laugh at their crappiness! Can't wait for the season to start! Go Phillies!


  1. I didn't realize there were so many baseball movies after i wrote this! I also forgot the bad news bears! And Mr. Baseball with legendary Tom Selleck! Benchwarmers was great cuz it was a comedy!